How I Built My Self Confidence

Lessons in Confidence from the World of Sports

#100

Hello friend 👋🏻

I’m so excited to be sending you the 100th edition of this newsletter! 🎉

The first letter I sent out was “If Mondays Give You Anxiety, Read This”. I did a lot of positive self-talk before I could summon the courage to click “publish” on that post.

I wasn’t sure anyone would read it. Not sure if I even qualified to share my story.

I had to remind myself multiple times that the only goal I have for this newsletter was to hit 100 posts. I’d be glad if it were read, but that was out of my control. What was within my control was writing & publishing.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to hit “publish.”

I started having flashbacks!

I could see everything as though I were watching a movie.

The church was ghost-quiet except for a few pockets of laughter from the back of the building and the piercing eyes of my father, screaming at me for embarrassing the family name.

My legs instantly became softer than cooked noodles. I had forgotten my lines in front of the entire church.

I have embarrassed myself and my family.

I was about 8 years old, but the memory is still so fresh.

The “publish” button felt like the microphone I had in my hand on that fateful day. Light yet heavier than Olumo Rock.

Somehow, I ended up not deleting the entire draft. To my surprise, it was read over 1,000 times by the following week!

Today, I am sending you my 100th love letter sponsored by requstory.com, a tool that helps you brainstorm ideas, draw process maps, and write user stories & do much more. Startup founders, Product Managers, Designers, and the like find Requstory super helpful.

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For this special episode, I want to share with you the things I did (and still do) to build & rebuild my confidence as a professional.

Before we go any further, here are the top 3 misconceptions about confidence:

1. Confident People are Outspoken

Not necessarily.

Donald Trump is a confident person, but so is Mahatma Gandhi.

Confidence can be as loud as it can be quiet.

2. Confident People are Bold & Fearless

Sorry to be a spoiler, but we are all afraid. The difference is that some choose to act despite being scared to their marrow.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” ~Mark Twain

3. Some People are Born Confident

I disagree.

Confidence is like a muscle.

A skill that needs to be developed.

Remember when you were learning to drive?

At first, you were so scared. Even the sound of the radio distracted and scared you. As you continued your driving lesson, you got better at it. Today you drive and text— I don’t recommend, but you get the point.

Same way you learned to drive, you can learn to be confident. In this post, I will share 3 practical tips on how to do just that.

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Over the years, I looked at the field of sports to learn a thing or two about confidence. I can boil down everything I learned into these 3 key action points, in no particular order.

Let’s get started!

1. I Talk to Myself

Since we all talk to ourselves, we might as well use that time to say positive, encouraging things to ourselves.

A few years ago, I realised that I spoke to myself in the most brutal, mean way possible. At first, I thought I was only being “real”

Then it dawned on me that I said more mean things to myself than I said to my enemies.

I had to change that.

All the sportspeople I admired always encouraged themselves. They always said nice, inspiring things to themselves. When they say it long enough, they’d believe i,t and we would be forced to believe them too.

“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was” ~ Muhammad Ali

… and that is how the then 22-year-old Ali beat the heaviest puncher at the time, Sonny Liston, to become the youngest heavyweight champion.

Around 2021, I started to try out positive affirmations for the first time. I like Ali a lot so I adopted “I am the greatest.”

Unfortunately, I couldn’t convince myself that I was. So, I had to change it a bit. For the next 2 years, I said to myself, “I am Good Enough” several times a day.

“I am Good Enough” 2023

Before I write my to-do list for the day or week, I would first write “I am Good Enough”. Almost any chance I get, I remind myself that I was good enough.

This encouraged me to take on things/tasks I would have been uncomfortable with.

©Workplace Newsletter

After a few small wins, I started telling myself that I was, actually, the best. And this time, I believed it a lot more than when I first attempted it.

“I am The Best!!!”

“I am The Best” 2024

Say it out loud with me… “I am The Best!!!”

In summary, “You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind” ~ Joyce Meyer

2. I Train to be Confident

We have established that confidence is like a muscle.

And like all muscles, when you train them, they grow bigger and stronger.

Corporate people are the only set of professionals who don’t train beyond their education. Even after graduating from music school, violinists continue to train. Footballers continue to train after turning pro. Tennis players, golfers, boxers… they all continue to train.

Corporate people? They become “experts” at their job, and that means no more training. Unfortunately!

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🗣️ If you need help on a paid 1-on-1 coaching call, I have opened up some slots to work with you.

Here are some of the areas I can help with:

• Career guidance tailored to your goals

• Mock interviews/tips on salary negotiations

• Got Product Management questions/asks?

• Career planning for 2026 (and beyond)

👉🏼 Book a one-on-one call

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I started to train to be confident. That meant different things at different times. At first, it meant learning everything I could about my job, industry, tools of trade, etc. At some other time, it meant taking courses in communications or training on presentation and public speaking.

I used to record my meetings and rewatch them to see what I could improve on. I bet you, it wasn’t fun, but you cannot improve without feedback.

Like sportspeople, you have to identify an area of your game that needs improvement and work on that.

For more on training and deliberate practice, I recommend the book “Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise” by K. Anders Ericsson. It made a huge impact on me.

Competence is the bedrock of confidence.

You cannot improve without feedback

3. Master Your Body Language

The 55/38/7 Formula.

According to body language expert, Albert Mehrabian, our typical face-to-face conversation can be broken down into:

• 55% nonverbal,

• 38% vocal, and

• 7% words

Sportspeople know this. Before every race, you see Usain Bolt spread his arms wide to do the “Lightning Bolt” gesture.

Boxers jump up and down in the ring.

Animals know this, too. Gorillas spread themselves wide, beat their chest to show “power”.

But what do most professionals do? They close up. Too afraid to take up spaces.

Just like dogs know when you’re scared, people can tell from your body language when you’re not confident.

You must learn to take up space. Spread your arms. Chest out and hold your chin up.

Your handshakes must be firm.

When I started working on my body language, I watched this TED Talk by Amy Cuddy titled “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are” almost every morning. I highly recommend.

In summary…

Confidence is a muscle, and like all muscles, it grows bigger and stronger with training.

Train to be confident.

Talk to yourself nicely.

Appear confident to be confident.

Thank you for supporting this newsletter.

If you’re feeling generous today, please, restack or share this post.

Until Next Week,

— ❤️ Azodo

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You can reach me at:

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